This is a little series that I will be writing about on and off for a while. Tackling the sayings that we say so often to each other. I hope you enjoy it!
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I enjoy saying this to friends as we depart from one another for longer periods of time. It is a comforting feeling to think that even though we are leaving each other, the separation will somehow bring us closer. Yet so often, separation only separates. I would say it is more than half the time when a person leaves your life to go to another place for some reason, whether it be because of college, a job or relocating, That person is harder to keep in contact with. For different people, granted, communication is easy to keep with, but not always. I believe its the growth that happens in you and the one away from you that causes the divide. It is not that the person is no longer interested in being a friend, or being in your life, but they are living their own life. As we live our life we grow, and since we are apart, we grow apart, each experiences that do not cause us to hate each other but to gain interest that the other may not have, and to lose interest that we once shared. I believe that when you are away you do realize how much you think about them more, but growth (which is a good thing in every persons life, keeps them away. Absence does make the heart grow fonder of the person that left, but when they come back, they are not the same person.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Jealousy...
I must say that I have come to realize the power of jealousy. Not only through my experiences but through the experiences of others. There is so much to it than meets the eye. First jealousy can worsen if you allow it to stew inside you, especially when it comes to job opportunity and you are around the other person who was chosen over you often. A person may do their best to bury it and forget what happened and get along with the other person but there are factors that can bring it up again. Like when the appointed one rubs it in your face; or sometimes even worse, when the person does a sub-par job that you know without a doubt that you would have done better; or when you have to step up into their position and get a job done, and receive no gratitude, recognition or reward (not that those things are necessary, but they are given to the one with the title, not the one who did the work). Jealousy then leads to bitterness. Not matter how much you may actually like the other person, how good they are or what they do, it is difficult to be around them, to see them for who they are without harsh judgement. This is when it becomes deeply rooted inside and hurts your heart. Thats when the tears come. The wounds from bitterness are not easily removed and sting at any moment of their choosing. It hurts even more at the times when you know without a doubt that you not only deserved the opportunity, but would be doing a much better job and would have made things a lot better for everyone else if you were in there. Jealousy can cause you subconsciously to react in a negative fashion towards people. Jealousy is powerful, which is why God tells us in his commandments not to even desire anything of your neighbors. Anything at all. That is a difficult task, especially when it seems like God is being hypocritical on this topic. 11 times in the Bible it either call God jealous or He call Himself a jealous God. The one time it is mentioned in the New Testament tries to make it wholesome and says God is jealous with godly jealousy. This doesn't necessarily make sense as to why God says for us not to do something but does it himself. Seems like something a parent would do. Why does God have a double standard here? Why does God try to say that jealousy is ok? Why does God even get jealous? Wouldn't it seem that if we were jealous, we would be more like God who is too jealous? Am I trying to make my jealousy right, as God does, by asking these questions? I am not sure, but I have seen what jealousy has done to people and to myself at times and would agree with God that desiring something that another has is threatening to one's life. Maybe God learned that and decided to make a rule against it for our benefit, much like a parent would do.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friends
I have friends. Not only does that confirm that I am not a lonely creeper who blogs every now and then, but it shows that I have a life and people enjoy being around me. I love my friends. I am on my way home from a weekend with my good friends that I am not able to see often because of my study abroad semester. Being with them this weekend lighten my heart and excited me for my return to them. I've known most of them for a little over a year, and I think the best part is seeing how much we have grown. There is much more maturity in our conversation; we, oddly, look older than before (maybe not myself I think, because I pretty much look the same.) Our concerns are of higher value, no longer caring as much for the things that occupied so much of our time but now focused on that which will improve ourselves and those around us. I sat down with a friend in her apartment. When I first met her, I thought she was immature and snobbish. (if you are reading this blog, sorry, it true but I still enjoyed being around you!) As we talked on her modern style black couch, I noticed she had grown. She was no longer the little girl that I first met, but closer to a adult woman. A different girl friend of mine, told me that we are mature adults and we should be acting a that way. I thought about that for a moment and say that though our age does qualify us as adults, I wouldn't say that we are in adulthood quite yet, but getting there. Back to my other friend on the couch, we talked about a few things had happened to her while I was gone, just simple life mostly. Though I knew about some of the matters, I got to hear what happened from the actual source. What I noticed in her words was her sense that she was learning from all that happened. She did not complain about her situation or gripe that she had to go through it all, but understood the situation and is using it to grow from it and even helping others who are going through the same type of issues. My friends are growing, like flowers in a garden. (forgive the corny analogy, but there is always truth in corniness.) I enjoy my friends, every moment i'm with them. Living life with the best people I can have around me; people that are learning, growing and loving, patient as we live life together. I love my friends.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Half Dome Thoughts (a.k.a. the longest hike and blog I've yet to do)
Half Dome in Yosemite National Park is s mystery. It is literally a dome that looks as if it was cut in half. Where is the other half? If half of it fell off in a rock slide how come there is not nearly enough rocks to create half of the dome where they should be? Why do so many people climb it when the view is not the greatest (not to be pessimistic but to be honest it is not the best view. Most of the time people are hiking to certain places to look at the valley and see the mountains around it. Half Dome is one of the views you are looking forward to see, especially at sunrise or sunset when it turns the most gorgeous colors one may ever see. But when you are on top of it, you can see it. Its just a high view of Yosemite Valley, which is nice but also can be seen from Sub Dome, just below Half Dome. The climb of Half Dome is done just for the glory of doing it [Kleos] and to allow time for thoughts to come about.)
While I climbed this dome, with a dear friend of mine named Sunshine (Yes that is her real name, not a nik name) I got a lot of thinking done. (once you begin to ascend this dome there is a 4,000 ft. of elevation gain, so any time there is an incline, there is not much talking that goes on.) It all came to me in spurts, often when ever we would hit something new that I have not encountered before. So, as I do my best to remember what I saw and what went on in my mind as I went on my endeavor, it is split into sections for convenience. (whether its mine or yours I'm unsure.)
The Drive:
Where I currently live is about an hour away from Yosemite Valley. iIf you have gone into Yosemite before, you would know that a large number of bumps and curves that make the drive a very uncomfortable for those who are sitting in the third row of a 11 passenger van. Because of the place I was I became car sick (or van stick?) and began to abhor the trip already. But despite that feeling of illness running through my body making me feel like throwing up at every turn, i was having a pretty good day.
The Walk to the Starting Point and the Talk that Came with it:
Where we parked was about a mile from the trail head of of Half dome. It was about 5 or 6 am and after eating breakfast we began our ascent. We were stopped before we actually started by a park ranger. She was a tall lady in a outfit that looked like what the "Man in the Yellow Hat" (from Curious George) would wear except it was tan instead of yellow. SHe gave us a warning about a Woman, who was an experienced hiker, that slipped while on her way down on the Sub Dome (which is just below Half Dome.) I was not sure exactly sure why she told us this. I believe there was more fear and question as to what we were doing there. But as i began to think about what the Woman in the Tan Hat was saying, I wonder what the woman was thinking as she had her accident. She slipped and fell, ending up breaking her hip bone, but is doing fine now (or at least thats what they told us...) But I imagine her thought process was something along the lines of, "I'm an experienced hiker, who has done thins hike and ones like it multiple times before, how can this happen to me here and now?" From the point where she fell it was 9 miles down the mountain. I am not exactly sure how they got ther down, but I want to say that she may have thought this could be here end. It may not have been a strong voice in her head telling her this, but it had to have been there. Half Dome is a place where many people hike up every day so it would be easy to help her out, but in tragic moments we tend to think about the what the worst possible thing that could happen to us. We imagine no one coming to our aid, though there are people all around. As I ponder this more, I used to do this often, and i wasn't even in situations that were life threatening. I would assume that no one would notice me in my time of need, that even though I was there for many people when i could be, there would not return the favor. I had this thought process for a while, until a friend woke me up and told me she cared for me and showed how she did. I was just blinded by my own self pity and victim mentality. That is something of the past now.
The Waterfall and the Walk of a Thousand Steps:
The walk was not too bad but I was not feeling well still from the drive up. Though i removed myself from the van, I was still light headed and craving to vomit. We came to a spot that we named "A Thousand Steps" simply because the steps seem to go on forever, if not that long then probably for eternity. but about half way through these steps there is a waterfall called Vernal Falls. it was absolutely lovely. It was great to see because it was close enough to feel the mist with the right breeze, and it was surrounded by another large rock so that the best way to see it is to climb these thousand steps. That moment of seeing that was a good one that i will remember for quite a while. This made me think about why that waterfall was there. I honestly cannot ggive a correct answer but I like to think that it was placed there for me. Selfish I know, but I like to think that. Why? Because I needed something to pick me up and to keep me going for this trip. The waterfall was it, it was a rejuvenation that granted me the ability to push through the crappiness i was feeling. In life I believe that God does that for us. He gives us something that we can stop at to take a breather and rest. Its always perfectly timed, when we think that we have nothing left in our weary feet and tiresome minds, there lies something beautiful for us to remind us of what we are doing and why we are here, despite who may or may not have failed before us.
A Bathroom and The Valley of the Never Ending Forest:
I did not really have any epiphanies while walking through this part, but I had to mention that There is a bathroom about halfway through and just after there is a peaceful little foresty area that is nice and flat with a stream next to it to pump water or swim. It is delightful.
Sub Dome, Half Dome and the Climb Before it:
The climb to get on top of Sub Dome is the hardest climb I have yet to do. It took all of my physical and mental strength to do it. It may have been this hard because I was not well, but even if I was, it was still a difficult task to accomplish. The steep rocks mixed with the constant switchbacks and little room for multiple people makes this path more nerve racking than it should be. But as I climbed, I thought. I thought about the entire trip and how hard it was, how all I wanted was to get to the top of this dome and take a nap, how I may never get another chance at this but I may be too ill to continue, how this could be the hardest thing I've ever done and it just got harder. To continue on my last thought, it seems to me that in the moments where we think we cannot grow any more, we do. When we are somehow left with no more fuel in our tank we still press on. When we've exhausted our last resource, with roll up our sleeves and get the job done. It is in those moments we grow the most, and surprise ourselves, by becoming something more than we thought ourselves to be. I climbed to the top of Sub Dome with full intention of getting to the top of Half Dome. But when I saw the "cables" to get to onto Half Dome, I gave in. I did not allow myself to be given the chance to prove itself stronger than I thought. I regret not going to the top of Half Dome despite the sickness in my body and the aches and blisters that formed. I had a moment and lost it. I took a nap instead and when I woke up, I knew I missed a great opportunity to grow.
The Decent:
I'm not sure if any of this actually made sense. It was too long for me to read over and correct. But for those who have made it this far into it Thank you I appreciate your dedication to read this. You now have the honor of knowing what I believe to be the best part of the Half Dome expedition. It was the Decent (like the section title didnt give it away...) not because I could finally go home to the comforts of my bed, no shoes and my computer (along with the pile of homework that awaited me!) but the ability to go back the same path and to look and admire where I came from and to see all the little victories that I had which seemed like impossibilities at the moment, and showed me how much of a conqueror I can be.
While I climbed this dome, with a dear friend of mine named Sunshine (Yes that is her real name, not a nik name) I got a lot of thinking done. (once you begin to ascend this dome there is a 4,000 ft. of elevation gain, so any time there is an incline, there is not much talking that goes on.) It all came to me in spurts, often when ever we would hit something new that I have not encountered before. So, as I do my best to remember what I saw and what went on in my mind as I went on my endeavor, it is split into sections for convenience. (whether its mine or yours I'm unsure.)
The Drive:
Where I currently live is about an hour away from Yosemite Valley. iIf you have gone into Yosemite before, you would know that a large number of bumps and curves that make the drive a very uncomfortable for those who are sitting in the third row of a 11 passenger van. Because of the place I was I became car sick (or van stick?) and began to abhor the trip already. But despite that feeling of illness running through my body making me feel like throwing up at every turn, i was having a pretty good day.
The Walk to the Starting Point and the Talk that Came with it:
Where we parked was about a mile from the trail head of of Half dome. It was about 5 or 6 am and after eating breakfast we began our ascent. We were stopped before we actually started by a park ranger. She was a tall lady in a outfit that looked like what the "Man in the Yellow Hat" (from Curious George) would wear except it was tan instead of yellow. SHe gave us a warning about a Woman, who was an experienced hiker, that slipped while on her way down on the Sub Dome (which is just below Half Dome.) I was not sure exactly sure why she told us this. I believe there was more fear and question as to what we were doing there. But as i began to think about what the Woman in the Tan Hat was saying, I wonder what the woman was thinking as she had her accident. She slipped and fell, ending up breaking her hip bone, but is doing fine now (or at least thats what they told us...) But I imagine her thought process was something along the lines of, "I'm an experienced hiker, who has done thins hike and ones like it multiple times before, how can this happen to me here and now?" From the point where she fell it was 9 miles down the mountain. I am not exactly sure how they got ther down, but I want to say that she may have thought this could be here end. It may not have been a strong voice in her head telling her this, but it had to have been there. Half Dome is a place where many people hike up every day so it would be easy to help her out, but in tragic moments we tend to think about the what the worst possible thing that could happen to us. We imagine no one coming to our aid, though there are people all around. As I ponder this more, I used to do this often, and i wasn't even in situations that were life threatening. I would assume that no one would notice me in my time of need, that even though I was there for many people when i could be, there would not return the favor. I had this thought process for a while, until a friend woke me up and told me she cared for me and showed how she did. I was just blinded by my own self pity and victim mentality. That is something of the past now.
The Waterfall and the Walk of a Thousand Steps:
The walk was not too bad but I was not feeling well still from the drive up. Though i removed myself from the van, I was still light headed and craving to vomit. We came to a spot that we named "A Thousand Steps" simply because the steps seem to go on forever, if not that long then probably for eternity. but about half way through these steps there is a waterfall called Vernal Falls. it was absolutely lovely. It was great to see because it was close enough to feel the mist with the right breeze, and it was surrounded by another large rock so that the best way to see it is to climb these thousand steps. That moment of seeing that was a good one that i will remember for quite a while. This made me think about why that waterfall was there. I honestly cannot ggive a correct answer but I like to think that it was placed there for me. Selfish I know, but I like to think that. Why? Because I needed something to pick me up and to keep me going for this trip. The waterfall was it, it was a rejuvenation that granted me the ability to push through the crappiness i was feeling. In life I believe that God does that for us. He gives us something that we can stop at to take a breather and rest. Its always perfectly timed, when we think that we have nothing left in our weary feet and tiresome minds, there lies something beautiful for us to remind us of what we are doing and why we are here, despite who may or may not have failed before us.
A Bathroom and The Valley of the Never Ending Forest:
I did not really have any epiphanies while walking through this part, but I had to mention that There is a bathroom about halfway through and just after there is a peaceful little foresty area that is nice and flat with a stream next to it to pump water or swim. It is delightful.
Sub Dome, Half Dome and the Climb Before it:
The climb to get on top of Sub Dome is the hardest climb I have yet to do. It took all of my physical and mental strength to do it. It may have been this hard because I was not well, but even if I was, it was still a difficult task to accomplish. The steep rocks mixed with the constant switchbacks and little room for multiple people makes this path more nerve racking than it should be. But as I climbed, I thought. I thought about the entire trip and how hard it was, how all I wanted was to get to the top of this dome and take a nap, how I may never get another chance at this but I may be too ill to continue, how this could be the hardest thing I've ever done and it just got harder. To continue on my last thought, it seems to me that in the moments where we think we cannot grow any more, we do. When we are somehow left with no more fuel in our tank we still press on. When we've exhausted our last resource, with roll up our sleeves and get the job done. It is in those moments we grow the most, and surprise ourselves, by becoming something more than we thought ourselves to be. I climbed to the top of Sub Dome with full intention of getting to the top of Half Dome. But when I saw the "cables" to get to onto Half Dome, I gave in. I did not allow myself to be given the chance to prove itself stronger than I thought. I regret not going to the top of Half Dome despite the sickness in my body and the aches and blisters that formed. I had a moment and lost it. I took a nap instead and when I woke up, I knew I missed a great opportunity to grow.
The Decent:
I'm not sure if any of this actually made sense. It was too long for me to read over and correct. But for those who have made it this far into it Thank you I appreciate your dedication to read this. You now have the honor of knowing what I believe to be the best part of the Half Dome expedition. It was the Decent (like the section title didnt give it away...) not because I could finally go home to the comforts of my bed, no shoes and my computer (along with the pile of homework that awaited me!) but the ability to go back the same path and to look and admire where I came from and to see all the little victories that I had which seemed like impossibilities at the moment, and showed me how much of a conqueror I can be.
Monday, October 4, 2010
What I Felt
I absolutely love the works of Van Gogh. His life and paintings captivate me. Today I spent much of my time admiring this painting. Dubbed Wheat Filed with Crows, this is the last known painting before his death. I stood for an hour staring at it. Its difficult to say what came to mind as I stared at it. Even looking at the painting gives me the feeling that Van Gogh new his time was coming soon. Van Gogh died in the arms of his brother three days later. I think what this painting makes me think what would have happened if I was there with my brother when he died. What would I have said to him? What would he said to me? How would I tell the story of his death? This painting makes me think about life, the abruptness of death, and my family.
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