So Close, Yet So Far

I will be running a marathon soon and if there is one thing I am sure about, its that I am not sure if I am ready yet.

I have been training as much as I can, whenever I can, wherever I can, but I have also bee side tracked every time. Sometimes it was illness, other times it was pure laziness. Then there was the distraction of friends, and the delay from weather. All in all, I am not where I thought I would be when I first started my training.

Recently while training, things took a turn for the worst. My previous longest run was a mere 12 miles, and I knew I needed to get in anything 16+ to at least run a half marathon. I planned on surprising my girlfriend by running to the city where she worked which is about 17 miles away from my apartment. Around 7 or 8 miles into it, I stopped for a bathroom break and came back running until I noticed I was in extreme pain. Something aggravated my ankle beyond a simple tweak. I don't know what happened, but I knew I had to turn back. In pain, I started a long walk home, with a big limp and an even bigger concern.

Hours later, I made it home. I stopped at a store to drink Gatorade, knowing it would hydrate me in the high 70 degree weather I was running in. I plunged my foot into a steaming tub of water and prayed that nothing was wrong.

As I sat thinking about my ankle and the marathon that is not far away, I remembered singing to myself one of the first times I was running in the country area of my parents home. During that particular run, I tweaked my same ankle in the first mile, but still ended up running the next nine at a decent pace I was happy about. I remember at one point I was actually getting tired of the music I had been listening to, and started making up my own words to songs.
     One line was: "I've been to the top once, well almost, but it was that almost I hated. I won't let an almost happen again"

Although I don't remember the song I was singing it to, I remembered what I was referring to. I once went on a hike up half dome. Due to illness and injury I didn't make it all the way to the top. But I was so close, too close I think. I should have put the rest of my energy into making it to the top. I didn't. And I regret it so much! I could have push through the pain, I could have endured the sickness, I could have been on top of a mountain people see in pictures around the world. Instead, I lied on the ground saying to myself I'd go again sometime. Unfortunately, that time has yet to come. Its been 2 years and I think about the event too often.

I decided because of this event, I am not going to allow myself to not finish. To come so close and walk away with nothing, its a terrible feeling which I never want to feel again. Never again.

Now when I train, I have a new goal. Despite an injured ankle, despite people who say I wont be able to handle it, despite my lack of complete training. I wont come up empty and be so close, yet so far. I will cross the finish line.