How to Love Ugly and Difficult People

Unfortunately they are out there. Ugly and difficult people. I don't mean ugly in their looks, but in their attitude and spirit. To be specific, those people who we may never really get along with but seem to always be around. The difficult people that surround us in everyday life and can be looming in our inner circle of friends. Those people, whom we may absolutely love (or at least try to...) but slowly are starting to bother us more and more as the days go by. It's interesting those people. In half the cases the difficult people I struggle loving are the ones that are most like me. Perhaps in those particular ones, I see the flaws that I have and want them to fix themselves but they are getting the picture! In those cases I'm the one who needs to see what I'm missing. The ugly people are usually those who are least like me, the closest to the direct opposite of who I am, what I stand for and what I believe in. They are ugly because I think I am right and they are coming against me (some intentionally, others unintentionally) and if they are against me, they must be wrong, because I am always right. Not really. I am definitely not the smartest or wisest man on earth (though I have my moments) but still anything that comes against me is rude, obnoxious and unworthy of my time. That is not right.
I think that the problem with loving ugly and difficult people is that they are no within our control. We like to control the things around us so that it all goes perfectly well for us. Granted, not everyone desires the will to control all things around them, but there is some small measure that seems to be in people. That will to control seems to be one reason why there are ugly and difficult people around us. They aren't what we want them to be. We want them to be similar to us, but not the same. have enough diversity in them that they keep us entertained and find us interesting, but similar enough to enjoy the same things we are doing. We don't want to be arguing all the time, and we don't need to have another version of ourselves around (some of us can hardly handle ourselves!) That’s why I think the Ugly people opposite from us and the Difficult ones are the ones to similar to us.
Now that we've established that they are out there and one plausible reason why they exist, how can we love them? I think if we do three things, it will definitely help our situation.
1. Our minds can be lethal weapons! We can think terrible things about a person and they never know the true intentions that happen inside our brilliant brains. So, let’s use that brain power. Take a moment to think about the person and make a mental list of pros can cons about them. Most likely if you detest them the cons will outweigh the pros. Then the next step is too realize that if this person were to do the same to you, wouldn't their cons about you be just as long as the cons you thought about them. Every flaw you thought about them is matched with a flaw of your own. Step 1 is truly just realizing that we aren't perfect ourselves. That we can be that difficult and ugly person at times to others. Unknowingly and sometimes intentionally. We are not perfect, but that doesn’t mean that we can't take time to step outside of ourselves and truly assess how bad we really can be. If we try to be a better us, chances are the people we are around will not be so aggressive about us, but will work on themselves too.
2. Listen! Knowledge leads to understanding. Sometimes it’s hard to understand the way people are, the way they act and why they believe such. Best way to find out is to listen. Through listening and holding back speech, one can learn to admire the passion of another despite the disagreements that may be present. We may not agree with the people around us, but that does not mean we can take a moment to learn who they are. That knowledge and understanding may lead to peace in a relationship. Personally, I would choose to have peace than to be right any day.
3. Examine yourself! Often times the difficult and ugly people are that way because we are that way to them. Maybe they initially admired us, but because they were a little too different for us to handle we threw them out with yesterday's trash and don't even give them the common courtesy that everyone deserves, and from our treatment they people hostile towards us. We had unfortunately forced them to be that way.
I'm sure that there are other ways of loving ugly and difficult people. It is most definitely a difficult task, but when we live among them on this earth, we have to do something to stay away from hating one another. It cannot be ignored forever.

The Game.

I am decently athletic. I love playing sports and the thrill of competition. I like winning (though not at all cost) and know there is much to learn from losses. But because of my competitive nature (which can come out strong sometimes, but not often) I tend to over work myself and play through pain and injuries. For the thrill of the game, I will always play, and enjoy it for as long as I can. One thing I am looking forward to when I get older is finding an adult basketball league and joining it. My dad told me that when i was born, he held me in his arms and said that I was going to be his sports baby. I have to say that I have lived up to that standard. It is one of the few ways that I can always continue to make myself better. Perhaps that is why I enjoy playing. Or perhaps its the fun of meeting a new challenger and finding the way to beat them. I definitely thank God for sports.

Pick-Ups

I have a 1964 Chevy pick-up. It currently not working, and needs a few things for it to be restored, but i still like it. Its an awkward beige color that was done as a primer to be the base of the next color, but it never got its next color, so the beige is still there. I have some found memories in the truck. When I was younger I would sit on my dad's lap and "drive" the truck as we drove on long country roads. I can not remember a time when the horn of the truck ever actually working. It sounds like a deep voice of a donkey in need of a cough drop. I remember lying in the bed of the truck with my siblings looking at the stars in the sky as we drove off to a family members house. Once when I was driving with my father, the passenger door slipped open and I was slipping out (because I was smaller and the safety belt was not too tight around me) and while driving, my dad grabbed my shirt and saved me. (He's my hero!) My favorite memories were hearing that horn everyday as my dad came home from work and parked in our parking lot, and I would hide with my nerf gun waiting for him to come find me so I could shoot him. It was my favorite part of the day. I've had many memories in my little pick-up.

I originally began this post writing about a different sort of pick up. After a couple things have not gone my way recently, so i've been bummed a bit. I needed something that could pick me up get me excited about life again. My mind drifted to my pick-up that sits at home, waiting for me to get the money to fix it, and all the memories I had in it. As this happened, my spirits were lifted and I got the pick up I needed. Sometimes reminiscing on past good memories can be some of the best pick ups for a person feeling a bit bummed out.

One to Celebrate, the Other to Remember

Today is a double anniversary. One for celebrating, the other for remembering. Allow me to explain...

One for remembering: 10 years ago today, a great friend of mine passed. I was fortunate to know this man. I was close enough that I could learn, speak, and be with him; yet I was far enough that I was unable to see him in his down times, his flaws, his weaknesses. I was able to see him when he made the right decisions. In my mind he was perfect in almost every way and he was an example for me. I spent time with him and he became my mentor, friend and brother. Much of who I am, how I act and who I spend my time with is because of him. This man took part in naming me, but he never used my name only referring to me endearingly as his best friend. I was able to spend 10 years learning from this man. He is someone that I strive to be, and will continue to learn from even beyond the grave. I love him. Thank you for being a part of my life, even if it was for a moment.

One for celebrating: One year ago today, I became myself. This might be hard to understand, but I celebrate this day because I overcame the shadow that hovered above my head. I was able to shed the weight that held me down for the most part of my life. Since then I have been able to shape myself into the man that I want to be, without the pressure looming around. Many people may understand what it is like to have unlawfully placed expectations upon them, and the struggle that comes with it all. That was what was upon me. I was able to overcome by outlasting the unbearable weight. I work my way around it by surviving longer than the pressure did. I am spending this day on correcting on reflection of myself and looking to see where I am, and where I'll be going. I'll be celebrating because I am free.

These two happenings are will have a continual impact on my life, especially because they are connected by this date. I am becoming myself through reflection, refinement by the Lord, and reaching for the standard that a friend once set for me. I am celebrating and remembering.

Cliche` Lines #2

"Character is who you are when no one is looking!"

This one has always made me think because there are few moments in a day when no one is looking. I currently live in the city, with four other guys. It fun and exciting, but there are not too many times in the day when I am alone. Most of the time I have someone with me when I'm cooking, cleaning, walking to class or doing whatever; and if I am alone, I call someone to see if they want to spend time with me. So when is no one looking? When i'm in the bathroom...when i'm sleeping in my room (hopefully)...when I'm the first to get back home and the others aren't back yet? What I do during those moments is my character? Not at all. I believe that character is defined when people are around, looking, staring with their full attention on you. Character is the decisions you make when people are relying on you, watching to see what you do. I watched the movie "The Town" and there was a scene where the robbers are loading their money into a car and a cop happened to be right across the street looking at them. There was an awkward 10 seconds where they just look at each other, before the cop slowly turns his head the other way and the thieves pack their car and leave. If that movie was real, that cop's character was defined once he made the decision to turn his head away and not call for any help or do anything to stop the men. The thieves had their eyes on him waiting to see what he would do. That was his moment, to do what he was trained to do. But he failed. In my life my character is defined by actions and words. If I say that I am going to do something for someone, or be there for someone, I need to be there otherwise my character is going to say that I am someone that cannot be relied on. Character is made when people are watching and a person makes a decision to do something. Whether its radical by coming to defense of someone, or passive by simply walking away. Character is made in almost every decision, when people are around, watching, waiting for you to choose.